Dear fellow upper schoolers: it isn’t Valentine’s Day, but rumor has it that the upper school is beginning to look a bit like the set of a Hallmark rom-com. The buzz on campus is that couples are starting to become too comfortable displaying affection with one another in the public arena. Now, I’m not here to rain on anyone’s parade, but we need to address the elephant in the room—or should I say the love birds on the lunch tables

Picture this: It’s lunchtime, and you’re ready to devour that sandwich you’ve been daydreaming about all morning, but alas, the freshman couple on the bench next to you is pawing at one another like baby kittens. It’s like trying to enjoy a movie while someone loudly crunches popcorn in the seat behind you—annoying and uncomfortable.

And don’t even get me started on the obstacle course the typical Falcon faces on his or her five-minute sprint between classes. Navigating through a sea of intertwined limbs and blockading freshmen in the halls is not my idea of a morning workout. Dodging PDA landmines to get to Spanish class feels like I’m auditioning for a low-budget dance competition.

Now, I get it, we’re all teenagers seeking love and affection, but generally speaking, it’s better to keep the passionate displays to a more private setting. Our school’s major walkways are starting to resemble a romantic comedy climax.

I propose a crash course:  Public Displays of Affection Etiquette 101. Hand-holding? Cute. Pecks on the cheek? Precious. An arm around the shoulders? Lovely. But anything more than that, folks, let’s wait for out-of-school hours.

Being a Saint Stephen’s Falcon is an honor, and we are given countless opportunities to better ourselves and our futures, but that does not include climbing on other students like a jungle gym. We’re here for an education, not a high school version of 90 Day Fiance. 

The not-so-private displays of affection are not only drawing the attention of us students but staff as well.

According to an anonymous faculty member, teachers should not know who their students are dating.

“The PDA brings me into a part of my students’ lives that I really try not to cross into,” our source said. 

On occasion, teachers have had to separate students as they were directly in front of the teacher’s classroom, providing faculty with unwanted entertainment while they ate their lunch.

Now, as we navigate through this labyrinth of teenage romance, let’s not let our campus become the set of the next great Netflix romance. 

Let’s dial the PDA down a notch. Save the dramatic embraces for the school play. Our hallways should be the stage for academic prowess, not the backdrop to a commercial for Kay Jewelers.  No, people.  Every kiss should not begin in with a cubby.